Ask Alee

Q: I’ve been feeling increasingly isolated within my friend group lately, and I wanted to share this with you. We use a digital app with a 10-person limit per server, and whenever someone pulls a prank, someone has to be randomly kicked out for space to add the fake account to the group– which, oddly enough, always seems to be me. It’s been tough feeling like I’m consistently the one left out. Even when I join their calls, they’re deeply engrossed in a game that I can’t participate in, and it’s disheartening that none of them pause to consider playing something else or checking in on how I’m feeling. I find myself sitting there quietly, not wanting to mention my discomfort, but it’s becoming harder to ignore.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like your friends have some sort of secret animosity against you, which is completely wrong since you’re all in a friend group and none of you should feel left out. You should tell them exactly how you feel about what they’re doing and what you would like to change. If you continue to let this go on, you’ll continue to suffer in silence and get used to them treating you poorly.

If they refuse to change or they say things like “it’s not that deep” or “you’re being soft”, then I think it’s time to find better friends. While it may be hard to find other friends because you’re used to being with them most of the time, there will definitely be people who enjoy your company and like you for who you really are. You can try talking to other people in your grade that seem interesting to you or someone you’d like to get to know.

Another alternative to telling them straight up is: You could pitch in ideas of other games to play, that you know you’re good at and everyone could enjoy. If your friends turn down those games then try finding people who enjoy the same activities/games as you and would be interested in playing the game with you.

You could also try just bringing it up during a conversation, if they mention playing the game again you could try mentioning that it’s hard to participate in the game with them, and see what they say about that.

Remember that you have a lot to offer and the right friends will appreciate you.