Ask Alee

Q: I can’t lie, there’s a lot going on with me. My life’s not the worst neither is it the best. I have gone through so much in my life, that even makes it difficult to even talk to my parents or people I consider friends. I started throwing up my food from the age of thirteen because I didn’t think I would ever be pretty. Now, I guess it’s a different situation when I constantly have guys on my neck. It’s just so heartbreaking that most of them just want my body and don’t wanna listen to me, and take me for who I really am. I’ve been suicidal many times because I see no point living when i’m only being taken advantage of. People have lied on my name, hurt me so bad physically and mentally. I have a therapist now, but that doesn’t change anything for me. I have anxiety and ptsd. I lie to myself and to her that I’m okay. Everyone around me thinks my life’s going so good rn. I’m just tired, you know. I’m not in school at the moment, and it makes everything sm harder for me because I feel useless at my own home. School was my only distraction from all the stuff I go through. but now that I’m at home, everything’s hitting me. I’m not okay. I need actual help, even trying to explain these to my parents is so hard bc they don’t really understand. I have a whole idea of where I see myself in five years, if I’m not dead. But where I am right now, is just making it so hard to move forward. I just want to talk to someone without feeling like i’m a burden. Everyone goes through something at the end of the day, and this is my story. I just want comforting words. I‘m tired of people making my feelings and opinions invalid. I’m literally just fifteen, how have I gone through so much? What breaks me to the core is how I saw my mom crying once because she said I’m so strong after everything. But I clearly don’t feel strong. At this point, I’m just looking for a last reason to end myself 🙂.

I’m so sorry you have to deal with all this, especially at a young age. No one should have to deal with all this and I do believe you are strong. I know you want comforting words but I would like to give a bit of advice I believe would make things better for you. I think it’d be good to start being more open with your therapist. You can’t really receive the help you need from her if you lie to her and you won’t get better. I understand you feel like it’s hard to open up and you may feel weak but knowing that there’s something going on and that seeking professional help to actually get better is very strong and smart.

Your feelings are most definitely not invalid and if anyone tries to tell you so or make you feel that way just ignore them. At the end of the day you’re the one feeling those emotions so they have no right to convince you that you’re supposed to feel any other way.

You have so much more to live for and while everything may seem like it’s not so together right not, things always get better, and if they don’t then there’s still time for them to. Try and move in life with the idea that everything happens for a reason and things really do get better.

Now about the constant guys on your neck. I’m most certainly not judging and I understand the pressure you may feel as a 15 year old in high school, but if they are not treating you as you deserve then it’s time to just let them go. When the time is right, you’ll meet the right person who genuinely cherishes and cares about you as he’s supposed to and the wait would definitely be worth it. Until then I think you should take time to put more effort into yourself and love yourself better. When you love yourself more, you’ll hold yourself to a higher standard and know exactly what you deserve, so you won’t settle for any less.

While you’re at home I think you should take some time to better your skills in certain areas and hobbies, this will pass time and it will boost your self-esteem because you feel good at something.

When it comes to not having anyone to talk to, I think you should definitely try reaching out to some of your close friends, specifically the ones that you know are going to support you and make you feel more positive. Try making general conversation and building a better friendship with them. Simply get to know them better. Getting to know people can feel exciting and fun because you’re learning knew things about people you care about. If those people are acting weird or making you feel uncomfortable feel free to just let go of them but you should definitely try building a better relationship with them before that. Do remember that you shouldn’t only talk to them with the intention of talking about your problems with them, that’s just using them and eventually they’ll realize and leave you, so only talk to them if you really do want to be friends with them.

Making online friends is another alternative. There are many different platforms to make friends on, you just have to make sure you’re being safe about it. Don’t give out any seriously private information like where you live, your passwords, etc.

I really do hope everything gets better. Definitely feel free to visit the Google Form linked at the bottom of the advice column and send in some more if you want someone to talk to.