Ask Alee

Q: I feel stagnant in a really weird way and I don’t know what to do about it. Four years ago, I was going through a terrible time with suicidal thoughts, body image issues, family issues, etc. and in the last two years I’ve been healing from that and getting healthier mentally. I’ve worked on my hobbies, myself, made more friends, etc. But recently I just feel really stagnant. I’m not actively healing or spiraling but I also can’t tell if I’m getting better or worse. Things feel good and bad. I feel happy because I’m spending time on myself and my hobbies and the things I love but I’m also not doing great because the family issues never really went away, some of my grades are dipping and I feel lonely despite having friends. I don’t know what to do or if this is how I’m supposed to be. I just don’t know.

I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this. Healing isn’t a one way path, there are ups and downs, so try remember that whenever you feel like things are not going as you planned. You can’t really plan out how your healing is going to look like.

I’m not sure if you have a therapist or someone to confide in that you trust with these family problems, but I suggest you find one. Try talking to a trusted friend for some comforting words. There also support groups for people facing family problems so it may be good for you to join one of those. If you’re not comfortable doing it in person, I’m sure you’d be able to find group chats for it.

Journaling and reflection is also a good way for you to navigate these problems. You can write in a journal about the problems you are currently facing. You could also reflect on how you have dealt with situations in the past and if you are doing better. This will help you to know where to go from there. Sometimes we tend to criticise how we are now, because we forget to reflect on what our past was like. In addition to this, setting short-term and long-term goals can help you grow.

In terms of your academics and grades, I suggest either finding a tutor or reaching out to the teachers to help you in areas of the subject you are struggling with. Don’t forget, sometimes it may be other problems that affect our academics. This brings me back to reflecting. Think about the changes that have happened in your life and if that may be affecting how you are performing academically.

With the way life is and how we are all different, there’s no one specific way we’re supposed to be. We all strive in different areas and possibly fail at another, and that’s perfectly normal. What you may be good at, may be another persons weakness.

Praying and hoping everything gets better for you!!