Ask Alee

Q: Lately, it feels like I’ve been carrying a weight that no one else can see, but it’s crushing me from the inside out. I keep replaying moments in my head—every fight, every word said in anger, and every time I felt small or disrespected. It’s like I can’t escape this cycle of doubt and regret. The fights I lost feel like scars on my pride, and the way some people look at me now—like I’m not worth their respect—cuts deeper than I’d like to admit. I feel like I’ve failed myself somehow, like I should’ve been stronger, smarter, or just better at handling everything. At night, the fear creeps in—fear that my past mistakes might come back to haunt me, fear that I’m losing control of how people see me, and fear that I’ll never truly let go of this anger I’ve carried for so long. It’s exhausting, and sometimes I wonder if I’m strong enough to move past it all. But even in the darkest moments, I know I have to keep trying.

I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling like this. I understand what you mean, but you can’t let the past control you. Living in constant memory of the bad things in the past will stop you from focusing on the present and the good things that are happening to you right now. The best thing to do is understand that you can’t change what has happened to you in the past or how you’ve reacted to things in the past, but what you can change is how you react to things now and in the future.

However, it’s not going to be so easy to forget. You just constantly have to remind yourself that you have no control over past events.

Also, about how people see you, people will form opinions no matter what and you can’t control that. To be honest, the line where you said “fear that I’m losing control of how people see me,” you never really had control of that. Nobody knows exactly who you are or every single thing/detail about you. You can show them what you want to, but that still doesn’t mean you have control over their opinion because if they really want to form an opinion of you that isn’t what you’ve chosen to show them then they will and you can’t control that.

If you want to show that you’ve changed and change peoples opinions of you, you just have to react to things in a way that you believe is better than before. Try to be the kind of person you think you should be, and the kind of person you personally think is worth respecting. Some people might be set on keeping their image of you based on how you’ve been in the past and if they refuse to see how you’ve changed then honestly speaking, you shouldn’t care about their opinions because clearly they’re just set on the negative things.

I suggest you apologise to the people you’ve hurt and hope they forgive you. While that doesn’t mean their opinion will change or that they will forgive you, it will relieve you of some of the weight you’re carrying because at least you tried.